


HIRAETH: A Collection of Miscellaneous Poetry

by casedilla



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Other, Poetry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-03-31 02:16:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13965192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casedilla/pseuds/casedilla
Summary: hiraeth (n.): a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past.





	1. Saudade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saudade (n.): a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost; "the love that remains".

I miss you.  
If I said otherwise, I'd be damned,  
for nothing is as true of a lie  
as those words.  
{c.b.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, you made it to the end of a poem, congrats, I guess...  
> If you liked it, feel free to comment; if you hated it, feel free to comment.  
> Thanks.


	2. Supine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Supine (adj.): lying face upwards.

I am a beached whale.  
My limb stretches out to the open sand only to return, empty.  
You, like all of the other passerbys, do not care.  
You worry about the footsteps you take.  
You worry about getting home for dinner.  
I cannot breathe.  
I am suffocating, and yet,  
you see nothing.  
Why should you?  
I have done this to myself.  
I have beached myself.  
I am a beached whale, and  
beached whales cannot survive without water.  
{c.b.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, you made it to the end of a poem, congrats, I guess...  
> If you liked it, feel free to comment; if you hated it, feel free to comment.  
> Thanks.


	3. Altschmerz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Altschmerz (n.): weariness with the same old issues that you've always had -- the same boring flaws and anxieties that you've been gnawing on for years.

My ghost wrangles with my mind.  
Tangling and mangling and leaving my thoughts  
dangling on the very peak of the mountain  
my thoughts pile up into.  
My ghost yanks my arms wherever they  
must, each gust of wind a misuse of trust  
that slams my body around like it's a  
fist into a concrete wall.  
My ghost rattles my breath, a wheeze  
accompanying every "please", a tease and  
laugh into my lonely face as I whimper and  
reach for what I know I can never, ever grasp.  
My ghost's name is Regret.  
What's yours?  
{c.b.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, you made it to the end of a poem, congrats, I guess...  
> If you liked it, feel free to comment; if you hated it, feel free to comment.  
> Thanks.


	4. Anagapesis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anagapesis (n.): no longer any affection for someone you once loved.

Love is not a battlefield.  
It is a force field.  
It captures you in its gleam, sheltering you,  
yet it cannot shelter you when the attack has already begun.   
{c.b.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, you made it to the end of a poem, congrats, I guess...  
> If you liked it, feel free to comment; if you hated it, feel free to comment.  
> Thanks.


	5. Kenopsia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kenopsia (n.): the moment you realize that you're currently happy -- consciously trying to savor the feeling -- which prompts your intellect to identify it, pick it apart, and put it in context, where it will slowly dissolve until it's little more than an aftertaste.

Pluck my strings, why don't you?  
They're tough enough, binding to spare.  
Pinch and pull, let them sing in approbation.  
Listen as their sounds crescendo, synchronizing effortlessly as your fingers play.  
You pluck harder.  
The binding unravels.  
Fingers clench.  
Strings snap.  
Eyes blink.  
All grows silent.  
Peace.  
Harmony.  
Discomfort.  
Quiet.  
{c.b.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, you made it to the end of a poem, congrats, I guess...  
> If you liked it, feel free to comment; if you hated it, feel free to comment.  
> Thanks.


	6. Catharsis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Catharsis (n.): the purging or release of emotional tensions, especially through kinds of art or music.

Powdered remnants under barefoot toes.  
A little high triumphed every low.  
Colors beckon beneath my skin,  
reminiscent of what once had been.

Chalk crumbles beneath nails.  
I cannot seek a high; I fail.  
Rain hugs my wishful thinking,  
envenoming the water once fit for drinking.  
{c.b.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, you made it to the end of a poem, congrats, I guess...  
> If you liked it, feel free to comment; if you hated it, feel free to comment.  
> Thanks.


	7. Jouska

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jouska (n.): a hypothetical conversation that you compulsively play out in your head.

"Hello, I'm—"  
"I have to go, bye."  
"Wait—"  
Yet another time,  
it's already too late.  
Nice try.  
{c.b.}


	8. Oblivescence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oblivescence (n.): the process of forgetting.

The memories soil my taste buds.  
Of course it had to be you.  
The soap comes next, suds upon suds.  
Credit is placed where it's due.

A hard swallow chokes me.  
I can't stomach what you've done.  
It looks like I'll never break free.  
And then there were none.  
{c.b.}


	9. Oneirataxia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oneirataxia (n.): the inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality.

"It couldn't happen to me,"  
until it does.  
"It's just a dream,"  
until it's real.  
"You don't know me,"  
until they know.  
"It won't last long,"  
until it almost does.  
"You'll make it,"  
until you almost don't.  
"I'm fine,"  
until you really are.  
{c.b.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, feedback welcomed.


	10. Aoibhneas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aoibhneas (n.): bliss, delight, to fill the senses with pure wonder and joy.

She is the way my eyes resist the sunlight through my sleepy eyelids.  
She is the way my vintage car rumbles to life, dancing with the tranquil softness of my quiet neighborhood.  
She is the way I remember to stop and fill my stomach before my departure.  
She is the way the school day ebbs, my pencil scratching its familiar song.  
She is the way my eyes glimmer at the sight of her.  
She is the way my teeth peek from their hideout.  
She is the way my laugh escapes, though I hate the sound.  
She is the way my fingers tap at plastic keys, a pulsing vertical line racing against letters on a screen.  
She is the way my fingers drum on a car wheel through traffic.  
She is the way each rubber wheel hits the diagonal pavement as I return home, gentle thuds and a light scraping.  
She is the way I leap into bed.  
She is the way my eyes tremble closed.  
She is the way I live my days.  
She is the way I learn how to love.  
{c.b.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.


	11. Ephemeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ephemeral (adj.): lasting for a very short time.

Another one down.  
Are we all fighting for some sort of crown?  
Who'll let them win first?  
An unquenchable thirst for the worst that could possibly come, and here we are, pretending that nothing happens at all.  
This isn't a game for fame, this is a race.  
We all face each other in distaste, but it continues to happen.  
Where does the finish lie?  
Does it even end at all?  
{c.b.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	12. Susurration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> susurration (n.): a soft whisper, a murmur.

At night, I wonder.  
Do I cross your mind as often as you cross mine?  
If I do, I'm sorry.  
I wouldn't wish it upon anyone other than myself.  
{c.b.}


	13. Aliferous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aliferous (adj.): having wings.

You spread your wings wide.  
At last, it is time for you to fly.  
But you will not fly;  
you will soar.  
{c.b.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for checking my stuff out :)


	14. Filipendulous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> filipendulous (adj.): hanging by a thread.

Shoot me  
with a bullet, or a tranquilizer.

Drown me  
in my own sickly blood, in slumber.

Heal me,  
as I learn and study my mistakes.

Train me  
to live pain-free; my tolerance is building.  
{c.b.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're having a lovely day :)


	15. Gnossienne

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gnossienne (n.): a moment of awareness that someone you've known for years still has a private and mysterious inner life, and somewhere in the hallways of their personality is a door locked from the inside, a stairway leading to a wing of the house that you've never fully explored--an unfinished attic that will remain maddeningly unknowable to you, because ultimately neither of you has a map, or a master key, or any way of knowing exactly where you stand.
> 
> Rest in peace, unnamed soul; though I never knew you personally, I know you touched hearts and changed others for the better. The world was fortunate to have an advocate and scholar like you. <3

Life is as fresh  
as a butterfly wing,  
as a soulful kiss,  
or a song we sing.

Life is as fragile  
as a porcelain doll,  
as aged time capsules,  
or any phone call.

Life is as fast  
as a large jet plane,  
as we can typecast  
or take things in vain.

Life is as forlorn  
as the stars in the sky,  
as blood drawn from thorns,  
or a final goodbye.  
{c.b.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)


	16. Liberosis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> liberosis (n.): the desire to care less about things.

Two words are vital to my nourishment.  
"You matter."  
My stomach is weeping an ear-splitting wail, my vision spotting quicker than I can blink my eyes.  
It's only now a matter of time.

I'm ready.  
I've been ready ever since it became apparent that I don't matter, really.  
Who could ever think such of  
a solitary brain, shattered shards of hope, and wasted oxygen?  
{c.b.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for giving my stuff a read. Only outlet I've got :)


	17. Fantods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fantods (n.): state of extreme anxiety, distress.

My pedestal is much too high.

Stop.

Place me too high, I'll shatter to pieces upon my fall.  
Place me too high, anxiety will alter my balance.  
Place me too high, ideas will become so far from what's true.  
Place me too high, the only thing you'll come to me for is a disappointment.

I don't want to disappoint.  
I don't want to be the reason why.  
I don't want to lift your hopes beyond reach.  
I don't want to leave you with nothing.

I can't stop.

I'm plunging.

I'm sorry.

I never meant to let you down.  
{c.b.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you kindly for reading.


	18. Tacenda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tacenda (n.): things better left unsaid; matters to be passed over in silence.

When I close my eyes,  
I can see sound.  
And when you proclaim love,  
I can see a place of fine, broken things.

The necklace you wore,  
the vows you made;  
they're scattered like bones,  
and I can see them break.

When I close my eyes,  
I can taste promises.  
There's nothing here to savor,  
for all you offered were lies.

The flavor of fibs is bitter,  
like a mug of unbrewed coffee.  
But what you told were worse.  
What you told scarred every taste bud.  
{c.b.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks!
> 
> Hold onto hope if you got it.  
> Don't let it go for nobody.  
> And they say that dreaming is free,  
> but I wouldn't care what it cost me.  
> ~ Paramore


	19. Abience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> abience (n.): the strong urge to avoid someone or something.

They all say we’re just teenagers,  
who wreak havoc across the city  
So why do we smoke?  
Wisps carried by wind  
as I sight the ember  
bound by my cigarette.

It’s just a little cigarette,  
held by some little teenagers,  
just a tiny ember.  
Flickering in the city,  
what harm comes from the wind?  
“It’s just one smoke.”

I recoil at the scent of smoke  
from that little cigarette,  
one puff seized by the wind.  
Now our scent screams teenagers  
who’ve wreaked havoc across the city,  
our path lit by a single ember.

Warnings are simply an ember.  
“It won’t be just one smoke.”  
Our exhales create a haze over our city.  
With the use of a cigarette,  
we plan to overtake all teenagers  
with the force of a monsoon wind.

A change of the wind.  
A pulsing ember,  
beckoning more teenagers.  
“Do you want a smoke?”  
It’s just a little cigarette,  
you sight them all across the city.

Close-up on this city.  
Autumn turns to winter wind.  
Still, I light a cigarette.  
The same old little ember.  
The same old wisps of smoke,  
but we are no longer teenagers.

In this city, there are teenagers.  
Wind dances with the smoke.  
Cigarettes are only the ember.  
{c.b.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An older piece of mine, thanks for giving it a chance :)


	20. Kalopsia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kalopsia (n.): the delusion of things being more beautiful than they really are.

Virulent tongues spit violent fire upon those who dare cross their path.  
Searing heat, a cloud of smoke later, the innocent pile up.   
Worthless ashes to the flames.  
Dirty, washed up ashes,  
nothing more, nothing less.  
There’s no more use for charred flesh, let alone the living and breathing.  
There’s only feeding what’s already grown to thrive.

One by one, they tumble into the relentless flames.  
But what have their lonely souls done?  
Meaningless words caress their every vein, soothing it,  
just before they are sent on their way.  
Down, down, down even further.  
And then, we reset with those who remain,  
ignorant once again to suffering.  
{c.b.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another older piece, thanks!


	21. Monachopsis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> monachopsis (n.): the persistent feeling of being out of place.

I'm so exhausted keeping up this facade.  
I want to smash this perfectly cyndrical tube encasing me;  
I want the world to know how fragile I really am.  
I'm just human, after all.  
But to do that?  
I'd have to shed the skin I know well.  
Make myself utterly unrecognizable.

I am unsure which is worse,  
being trapped in this glass enclosure  
or trapped by the ghosts of all whom ever knew me.

I am less than willing to find out.  
Here I shall stay,  
until somebody dares to take a hammer  
to this transparent hell.  
Not only that,  
but instead of laughing,  
they will stay.  
{c.b.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks.
> 
> "I just killed off what was left of the optimist in me."  
> ~ Paramore


End file.
